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I wish someone would help me [without having to pay them, goddammit].

I only have ONE question to ask someone, but I’m afraid to talk to him! I only want to know when he’ll be coming home because I’m lonely, but goddammit, I have these stupid emotional problems and sensitivity in the way! My therapist wants me to get a job before going back to her, but fuck that. I need to get over my problems /before/ I try getting a job, those two problems /and/ my fear of rejection. It’s fucking devastating to deal with a fear of rejection when /of course/ you’re gonna get rejected when trying to apply for a job. ಠ_ಠ   Why must I be so emotionally unstable, sensitive, perceptive, paranoid, and afraid of rejection?! This is a huge hindrance. I think I need a little therapy /BEFORE/ I even try applying for a job. I tried applying for /one/ job, failed the assessment, and I ended up depressed and cried because of it. And it’s been nearly two months since my last appointment, the first one I had in about six years. I think it would be good for me to go back, even though she said that she might treat me like a little girl. At heart, I AM a little girl; a heartbroken little girl who thinks that no one /really/ loves her, so all she can do is hold onto a stuffed animal and cry alone because no one else is crying for her or with her.

It’s pointless to complain online, because no one is going to read this, probably.  There are people out there who have it worse off than I do.  I often feel like I’m in no position to complain, but here I am, complaining anyway.  My friends are too busy to talk to me, and my family wouldn’t understand.  I’ve been broken my whole life, and no one has ever been REALLY /HERE/ for me.  People keep telling me to keep going.  You’re no fucking help to me, you’re not worth talking to if you can’t be here to support me.  You mean nothing if you’re not going to be useful.  Even though I probably don’t mean it and I’m only saying it out of courtesy, but I’m sorry.  Even if a person tries saying comforting things to me online, kind words don’t mean shit to me.  It’s the mean words that hurt me.  I don’t think I could love anyone.  I feel like I don’t even care about people genuinely.  I only care if they’re useful.  I used to think that if someone really cared about me that they would prove it, but I can’t believe anything that they do.  It’s all empty.  Mom is only pretending, in an attempt to redeem herself.  If you had really cared, you would have been less emotionally negligent towards me as a child.  You wouldn’t have told me to get out of the way while you were watching television, you would have had me sit next to you.  You would have actually paid me some goddamn attention more often instead putting three baby gates in each doorway with cardboard over them so I couldn’t get out while you were watching tv.  What good have you been to me, other taking care of my physical necessities and giving me toys?  You didn’t give me what mattered most, so now I strongly resent you.  You deserve the guilt if you brought me into this world for your own selfish reasons.  No life is 100% perfect, and I’m pretty sure that I’m going to end up alone because I know this, I’m afraid, and there won’t be anyone out there for me as far as I know who can put up with my emotional problems and the bullshit that results from it.  I’m so paranoid and perceptive, and one minute I could be okay around a person, and then the next I might want to hurt them and push them away.  This is usually something that happens with men who are attracted to me or I think are attracted to me [particularly the young men, close to my age].  This is one of the things I definitely need to get over if I’m gonna get a job.

I wish I didn’t have to /pay/ someone to listen to me cry and complain, but it’s not like I have any other options.  I’m going to make an appointment with her tomorrow.  I need to see her.  I’m tired of shutting myself away so I can cry without people who don’t give a fuck or don’t understand bothering me when they’re of no use…

onemillion-elephants:

internetgeek:

einigkeit-recht-freiheit:

notabarbariananymore:

einigkeit-recht-freiheit:

maple-and-pride:

((SASSY GAY ESTONIA))

Vati is not pleased, Gil looks like he’s wearing a dress, and God, let’s not even mention Hungary’s hips or Austria’s shoulders.

Accurate, indeed.

Of course I am not happy.

It could be worst. You could look like a Playmobil toy like Switzerland.

…why would someone draw it, anyway?

No idea.I’m not particularly sassy openly..nor gay necessarily but let’s not talk about that okay?

ooc; i’m making one of dao 

ok

her pants and sleeves will be huge

yes

I

DON’T

EVEN

asknorgebow:

onemillion-elephants:

blaineywainey:

  1. Stand By Me- Ben E. King
  2. Rockabye Baby- Priscilla Renea
  3. Pata Pata- Miriam Makeba
  4. Tell Me Something Good- Glee Cast
  5. Holiday- Green Day
  6. A Hard Day’s Night- The Beatles
  7. Move Along- All American Rejects
  8. Someone Like You- Adele
  9. Anything Goes/Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better- Glee Cast
  10. Live High- Jason Mraz
  11. Life in Technicolor- Coldplay
  12. Paint it Black- The Rolling Stones
  13. Home- Michael Bublé
  14. Ticket To Ride- The Beatles
  15. Do Your Thing- Basement Jaxx
  16. Linus And Lucy- Vince Guaraldi
  17. Why Do You Let Me Stay Here- She & Him
  18. Dress and Tie- Charlene Kay feat. Darren Criss
  19. Come Alive- Janelle Monáe
  20. Mrs. Robinson- Simon & Garfunkel

All of these make me sound cooler than I actually am.

ooc;

1. First Of The Year (Equinox) - Skrillex

2. September - Earth, Wind, and Fire 

3. The Bird and The Worm - Owl City

4. Second Chance - Shinedown

5. Remedy - Little Boots

6. Mr. Saxobeat - Alexandra Stan

7. Sexy and I Know It - LMFAO

8. Kill Everybody - Skrillex 

9. Major Tom - Shiny Toy Guns

10. Rhinestone Eyes - Gorillaz 

11. Exploration - Bruno Coulais 

12. The Tip Of The Iceberg - Owl City 

13. Scatta - Skrillex, Bare Noize, Foreign Beggars 

14. The Edge Of Glory - Lady Gaga

15. The End Of Prom Night - Snow White’s Poison Bite

16. Life In Technicolour II - Coldplay 

17. Cinema - Benny Benassi 

18. Sleepyhead - Passion Pit

19. Hey Sexy Lady - Skrillex

20. Sunburn - Owl City

hahaha bjshk as you can see 

my taste is uh…

weird?

((

1. Old Brown Shoe - The Beatles

2. Superschwiizer - Gimma

3. Funny Little World - Alexander Rybak

4. The Grouch - Green Day

5. Whatcha want - Hanoi Rocks

6. Let It Be - The Beatles

7. Dead Babies - Alice Cooper

8. Sweet Rodeo Heart - 22 Pistepirkko

9. The Word - The Beatles

10. Hyväntuoksuinen - Siiri Nordin

11. Extraordinary Girl - Green Day

12. Rock and Roll High School - The Ramones

13. What’s This - Danny Elfman

14. Flugufrelsarinn - Sigur Rós

15. Temptation to Exist - New York Dolls

16. With a Little Help from My Friends - The Beatles

17. Sense No Make English - Gunnarolla

18. 16 Dollars - Volbeat

19. Pomppufiilis - Munamies

20. Við spilum endalaust - Sigur Rós

YES, THIS IS DEFINITELY ME, JUST ASK MATTY.))

1. Take on me - a-ha

2. Wave Wind Satellite - Snorkel

3. We Will Rock You - Queen

4. Let the Battles Begin! [Piano Version] - Nobuo Uematsu

5. The Life and Death of Amy Pond - Murray Gold

6. Under Pressure - Queen

7. Violet Hill - Coldplay

8. Around Us - Jonsi

9. Indian Summer - Jonsi & Alex

10. Aerith’s Theme (Piano Version) - Nobuo Uematsu

11. Sign - Nobuo Uematsu

12. One Life - The Pillows

13. Explore Remix - Homestuck

14. Godot’s Theme: The Fragrance of Dark Coffee - Noriyuki Idaware

15. False Regeneration - Shiro Sagisu

16. Misty Midnight - Ichiko Hashimoto

17. Paradise - Coldplay  [ Undoubtedly.  :I ]

18. Trust Me - Yuuya Matsushita

19. Adolescent - Ichiko Hashimoto

20. March of the God - The Pillows

What?  o_o

(Source: greyjoy-pride)

In those first four pictures, I have two food-based purses, of course.  I made the Happy Bread Loaf purse first, with its’ odd watermelon fabric inside.  The pattern for the bread pieces on the front and back is from Twinkie Chan’s Crochet Goodies for Fashion foodies.  For the pie, I used this pattern: http://www.etsy.com/listing/79958307/crochet-pie-pattern  I turned those things into purses… for the fun of it, I guess.  xD;
Before you make fun of the way the last picture was taken, I HAD NO OTHER OPTIONS.  The camera’s battery was dead, my tripod was missing, and I didn’t have anyone conscious around to take a picture of me.  BC   This is my Aromantic Asexual gijinka costume, which I won’t be wearing for Halloween ‘cause I have nowhere to wear it. Instead, I’ll be spending Halloween doing the same stuff I do every day now: surf the internet, crochet, and… that’s about it.  :I
Zoom Info
In those first four pictures, I have two food-based purses, of course.  I made the Happy Bread Loaf purse first, with its’ odd watermelon fabric inside.  The pattern for the bread pieces on the front and back is from Twinkie Chan’s Crochet Goodies for Fashion foodies.  For the pie, I used this pattern: http://www.etsy.com/listing/79958307/crochet-pie-pattern  I turned those things into purses… for the fun of it, I guess.  xD;
Before you make fun of the way the last picture was taken, I HAD NO OTHER OPTIONS.  The camera’s battery was dead, my tripod was missing, and I didn’t have anyone conscious around to take a picture of me.  BC   This is my Aromantic Asexual gijinka costume, which I won’t be wearing for Halloween ‘cause I have nowhere to wear it. Instead, I’ll be spending Halloween doing the same stuff I do every day now: surf the internet, crochet, and… that’s about it.  :I
Zoom Info
In those first four pictures, I have two food-based purses, of course.  I made the Happy Bread Loaf purse first, with its’ odd watermelon fabric inside.  The pattern for the bread pieces on the front and back is from Twinkie Chan’s Crochet Goodies for Fashion foodies.  For the pie, I used this pattern: http://www.etsy.com/listing/79958307/crochet-pie-pattern  I turned those things into purses… for the fun of it, I guess.  xD;
Before you make fun of the way the last picture was taken, I HAD NO OTHER OPTIONS.  The camera’s battery was dead, my tripod was missing, and I didn’t have anyone conscious around to take a picture of me.  BC   This is my Aromantic Asexual gijinka costume, which I won’t be wearing for Halloween ‘cause I have nowhere to wear it. Instead, I’ll be spending Halloween doing the same stuff I do every day now: surf the internet, crochet, and… that’s about it.  :I
Zoom Info
In those first four pictures, I have two food-based purses, of course.  I made the Happy Bread Loaf purse first, with its’ odd watermelon fabric inside.  The pattern for the bread pieces on the front and back is from Twinkie Chan’s Crochet Goodies for Fashion foodies.  For the pie, I used this pattern: http://www.etsy.com/listing/79958307/crochet-pie-pattern  I turned those things into purses… for the fun of it, I guess.  xD;
Before you make fun of the way the last picture was taken, I HAD NO OTHER OPTIONS.  The camera’s battery was dead, my tripod was missing, and I didn’t have anyone conscious around to take a picture of me.  BC   This is my Aromantic Asexual gijinka costume, which I won’t be wearing for Halloween ‘cause I have nowhere to wear it. Instead, I’ll be spending Halloween doing the same stuff I do every day now: surf the internet, crochet, and… that’s about it.  :I
Zoom Info

In those first four pictures, I have two food-based purses, of course.  I made the Happy Bread Loaf purse first, with its’ odd watermelon fabric inside.  The pattern for the bread pieces on the front and back is from Twinkie Chan’s Crochet Goodies for Fashion foodies.  For the pie, I used this pattern: http://www.etsy.com/listing/79958307/crochet-pie-pattern  I turned those things into purses… for the fun of it, I guess.  xD;

Before you make fun of the way the last picture was taken, I HAD NO OTHER OPTIONS.  The camera’s battery was dead, my tripod was missing, and I didn’t have anyone conscious around to take a picture of me.  BC   This is my Aromantic Asexual gijinka costume, which I won’t be wearing for Halloween ‘cause I have nowhere to wear it. Instead, I’ll be spending Halloween doing the same stuff I do every day now: surf the internet, crochet, and… that’s about it.  :I

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